What i think of 2010?

the monster that i feared most in becoming is typing this sentence now. So long William , for you will never learn to love as love would learn about you.. Your name shall forever be depleted and chipped off from the hearts that once had it etched..disconnected with the world, and living in you own frame. Fate it seems, plays an interesting game of roulette.. it gives you hope, and snatches it away as you paid the price in obtaining it... life is so full of shit i think. None so ever made sense anymore in the meantime... none
when someone already know it's time, wouldn't care anymore further... goodnight.

Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder

Is there a spell that I am under

Keeping me from seeing the real thing

Love hurts.....

But sometimes it's a good hurt

And it feels like I'm alive

Love sings

When it transcends the bad things

Have a heart and try me

'Cause without love I won't survive.

"ripped off the song 'love hurts' by Incubus" 

Joey

this is the latest production by B.A.N.D.U productions.

Director: Clement Chiang

Editor: Daniel Chan

Producer: William Koong

actress: Oon Joey (My niece) *she's not physically challenged in real life*

"Joey" is basically a PSA made for the MUFORS film competition. The characters and story is fully fictional and are not related to anyone living or no longer alive.

we just wanted to make something out of the ordinary..something different from the PSA that we watch on Tv.. something unexpected.. and we thought that this idea might work. And i was freaking happy that it came out better than i have expected~! really need to thank my wonderful partners Monkeyboy and Big Cow~! haha

note: if any of u are observant enough..in this PSA "Joey", i did not insert any form of direct relation regarding "accidents, cars, driving and etc".. and yet the message was sound and clear, this is something that i am really proud of producing "JOEY".

it would have been nice

but since it's no longer my responsibility to make it,

i could not bother more, 

just staring back at plans i once made,

that would have been nice. :-)

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” mahatma gandhi

sorry, but who are you again? Don't think i know you anymore..

funny things come is weird ways

funny it seems that after the 48 hour film project that i was involve in, i found a heart there. I found my love for the production of short films as well as being able to get together in a group of people, discussing, giving input, reviewing and accepting each others ideas..

the fun and enjoyable times i had for the past weekend is over whelming. we all worked hard on the whole production and give it our very best in making something, creating something, giving birth to something  within the short time span of 48 hours~!!! -THAT- is actually quite impressive, if you ask me about it.

this saturday will be the screening of our film in ASWARA hall, and we are all very nervous as the results for the winners will be anounced at that time as well...i personally do not hope for any awards while joining this competition, i somehow had my fill of satisfaction during the film production process, yeah... i'm easily satisfied by it.. i love making films, literally -making- .

am i that strong?

am i really that strong? i doubt the fact that i am, some may look and perceive me other wise.. but what am i to say in changing the thoughts of others? haha

had this really nostalgic dream that never came to me for a long time.. i used to enjoy the imaginary world that my subconscious mind painted, but this time i jolted up as though a thousand volts ran through me. Bathed in both; cold sweat and frustration, i could do no less than to turn the lights on, sitting on the cold floor, and trying to reconnect back to reality.

felt like leaving this place.. yes it does. this is one of those rare occasions where my mind fought back, the fictional lucid reality of it's subconscious side. It sucks, so much that i cant even stand lying to myself, HAHAhaha... or am i slowly loosing it? nah.. who cares, right?

i am the successful joker, the lame entertainer, the irresponsible partner, the notorious brother, the idiotic driver and the unwanted lover. :-) life is a bliss~~ when we rest in peace~~

drown by limpbizkit

It's getting closer to the end

Every part of me

And then disaster takes it's toll

And now I'm left with only me

Maybe sorrow plays a role

When you feel unkind

Your abuses will let her stand in a line

Forever lost in time

Save me, save me

Before I drown

Save me, save me

Before I drown

It's getting closer to the end

I look back and smile

We conquered every single bump in my road

Made it all worth while

Just remember how I cared

When it came crashing down

I'd like to toast to all those

Angels that were always hangin' 'round

Save me, save me

Before I drown

Save me, save me

Before I drown, drown, oh, oh

Maybe life ain't what it seems

'Cause it's all a dream, forgive me

Sometimes I feel like a fool

'Cause I'm so uncool, forgive me

thanks for the memories.

"what if?" i learnt a lot from this question. 

"what isn't?"  i realized a lot from this question.

Sanity hangs on a single thread.

To whoever that wanted me dead -now is your chance.... one more hit onto the heart and i'll be gone..

Tossing and turning, i still cant sleep...woke up again, eyes drenched.. felt very thirsty and cold..
the effects of such "goodbyes" consumes my mind and body. Why are my hands shaking?

Babi korang..Cepat sangat~!!

They kept at true good humour's mark

The social flow of pleasure's tide:

one after one, they subside

they never made a brow look dark,

Nor caused a tear, but when they embark.

It's been a great time,

Yet both your shores have hasten tides,

off you traveled towards the skies.

ps: "burger ayam special, mayo lebih.. bawang tak mau ah~!" i will not have the chance to say this again.. now i will miss the both of you.. "Donkey nesh & AD-donald"

LITTLE big" stories in life.

*today*

Why couldn't we change,
make it better,
This place where we stay,
sadly never...
As time took it's pace,
we still slumber,
Dreaming day by day,
separate colours...

All i feel's dismay,
as i see the father..
Feed them with his ways,
poisoned his kids...
Always about race,
different colours...
Don't look at me strange~~
Don't look at him strange~~
Shouldn't we be ashamed......

We can't live this...
there ain't no-peace-to-it.
There wasn't one day..
we wont discriminate...
If i had one wish..
i hope that all....
Humans would be blind,
so this will stop..
We're blinded by skins.
those tone's of colour~~
*please-dont-tell-me-all those-stories*
  i want to judge with my own eyes...
*don't dwell in separating~humanity~~~!*
 it would be the end for you and me!!

I hope it's not me,
alone in thinking..
Observe and you'll see,
how distorted..
Our.. society~..
our family~~
inequality~
how can we~~
not see~~?

Death, Ghost & the Supernatural

this month is the chinese lunar calender's Ghost Month,...
therefore in respect to all that are wondering, most that are haunting, some that are lingering and the small amount which are joining...i shall use the theme "death, Ghost & the Supernatural" in dedication to 'them',.. ...and this shall be the first from the theme..

rainy night

dear william,

remember this night that you wrote this post to yourself, at this moment where you type the words, you felt a form of satisfaction after being spent time her time and space. It was a rather rainy night and the moon was hiding under the blankets of drippy thick clouds. Surroundings drowned off by your concentration, everything turned blurry and dark except the candle in your hand..shining, warming and illuminating your path way.

i faced the truth

"truth is like fire, it never leaves anything that it touches unchanged" 

sometimes we have to learn to accept the truth as we are to live on without regrets or dismay, this i learned in an almost asphyxiating way. Yet the truth to the "whatever that doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" saying is quite true in a sense that you actually continues to live on and not linger in the past.

 Standing on a cliff that looks down on nothing but death, one gets to experience the beautifully dangerous view in return.. but with no doubt, standing on such height and such little space to balance oneself will result in nothing more than fear of dying and losing it's sight upon the cliff's beauties.. thus making us cling our gambled lives onto the cliff harder...not knowing that doing so would loosen the soils where we kept our footing on...hastening the time of death, hastening the end of the wondrous view... maybe, sometimes all it takes is just for ourselves to control our inner thought as well as to accept the past as 'the past'...

now it's time to make good use of the time there is now, and work on the amendments to preserve the cliff, build a foundation on it's footing..put on a fence so no one will fall and die. (one half of the fence has been built, now all there is to be done is to patiently hope that the other half can be completed soon before any further accidents can happen)

"to know" is for the curious, "to not know" is for those that are regrettably curious"

… somehow he couldn’t stop. He had turned into someone that he would have pitied in another life; someone who searched for signs, who analyzed patterns, who went over every word in a conversation looking for hidden meanings, secret signals, the subtext that said, "Yes, I still love you, of course I still love you"

... how many ways can one heart be mangled and still be expected to keep beating?-ditto

Finally..a song we can call our own.

after the long anticipation, rantings, postpones, divergence and so on... the band "PtC" has finally came out with our very own song.. title and description of the song are not to be disclosed now... Clement (le' batteur) and i burnt two days worth of midnight oil to complete it..and finally we've done it yesterday, or to be concise it's this morning 2.30 am... 

elements of composing: guitar, pencil, paper and flying cockroach'

the base line for our first song is already completed and the rest is to add in those beautiful music instruments of the other PtC bros and also a sis...lolx.. the song writing process has already completed after numeral tries and experiments, yet the lyrics is still immensely vacant for improvements.. leddy (les' claviériste) will be forced to refine and spice up the vocabs..

next on, is the anticipation to once again get back as whole.. and jamm our hearts out of our lives~! 

"Just fuck it, and do the damn thing!" - Pop The Cherry, 2009

painful...very painful...

i cant explain what i am feeling now..there is a sudden warmth in my chest that spreads throughout my whole body, slowly crawling to all the corners of my body..


and i notice a certain concentration deep within my chest area.... a very painful and sore feeling..
yes it is pain..i feel very painful inside, i felt this before, but today.. it is extremely dense, the pain..i want to cry out loud, but i cant.. why am i in such misery and torment? i know now that the level of pain is equivalent to how much love is being spared in.. i still feel it..while i am typing this now.. while i am looking through the sentence before this..while i am thinking of how to put the words out..yet i cant explain truly or to describe how it felt.. it is too painful and yet too precious... i feel like ending myself right now..... i am so sorry, very sorry... the small rational part of me is keeping me from killing myself, sorry for being too emotional sometimes.... sorry for being too irrational sometimes..sorry for being too dependable sometimes...sorry for being an annoyance all the time...sorry for all the stupid things i have made together with the unhappy moments i've put you through..


urgh.... the feeling of pain is still sharp in its presence.. i cant seem to stop it at the mean time... it usually stops in a while..but today it sustained longer than usual..... i dont even know what the hell is wrong with me..it is very painful!

recent arts

"Pop the Cherry @ The Curve 2010"

The song called "through glass" from Stone Sour being covered by 'Pop the Cherry' during the 2010 Fete de' la Musique @ the Curve..

 Can't even find the words to describe the amount of nervousness that almost drowned and suffocated me at that time.. As i looked from atop the stage...all around, friends, family, loved ones, and strangers.. all waiting for us to perform. Each of them showing eyes of hope, of love, of curiosity, of expectation, of judgement, of competence, of prayer...and thus the music starts... i drew in breaths of nervous air, closed my eyes, prayed to not screw up, and played my vocals.


The song called "Perfect Situation" from Weezer that is being covered by "Pop the Cherry" during the Fete de' la Musique 2010 @ the Curve.


I would like to thank all those who came to support 'Pop the Cherry' during that day.. passerby.friends, family and loved ones. We hope that in the near future, 'Pop the Cherry' will be able to provide more entertainment and joy for you all, "those we cared of and also those that cared for us"

the days of slumber

all the while i thought that there was something

when i slept my days off for nothing

yet the dreams arrive and i have to sigh

cuz it'll be nothing more than a passerby

welcome to the world of puss

where hatred and revenge drowned all of us

until we find that peace of mind

we will forever left behind

dream the unknown world that's banned

by moral values and norms at hand

hope we could see the broken frame

holding the pictures of those once came

the days of slumber are short in sight

for we never saw what lies inside

when we hit our heads into the drowning light

i wish for all to have a wonderful night..

A birthday post!

This year, i had my 24th birthday, though it may not seem as a very significant age, but to me this year's birthday is very special. Why is that so?

I spent my birthday eve to have lunch with my "sisters"  JaJa binks, Sara, Shermaine and Lesley. Because Lesley will be leaving to Australia soon. we talked and we bitched and I was also interrogated, it was fun..after lunch i wanted to visit my girlfriend Emmy, but it seems that she was busy and have no time to entertain me...thus i sulked and drove home...because i have no where else to go and there is still like 5 more hours till the mamak session with my friends at bangsar later.

As usual, i was never excited to celebrate my birthdays, so no party as usual.. i went to mamak at night together with Clement, Kelly (clement's friend from singapore), Tinne, and Ridz.. it wasn't meant to be anything special at all.. just normal minum session with friends.and clement belanja me that night too...thus the night ended and i went home.. .. that was the first time i ever had a birthday with friends from college. Pretty interesting. Thanks Clement, Kelly, Ridz and Tinne!

then the next day i am suppose to meet up with Emmy at her place. but i was delayed by a few chores back home..and i arrived there during lunch time.. i was a little tired but i just wanted to see her and spend some time with her.. as i arrived at the front door i called her mobile and she came to open the door.. she greeted me with a huge smile and wished me "happy birthday" and i -was- literally happy that time..

she welcomed me into her house and i saw Leanna, Calvin, and Wei Lien there too.. apparently they are there to work on their group assignment, then i felt like i was a huge disturbance.. but later on...Emmy went into the kitchen and took out a cake for me, a "Double Chocolate Cake"...Wooowww~!! no one has ever baked something for me more less a Cake for my birthday,... the truth is, Emmy was busy getting ingredients and baking the cake for me the day before, thus she has no time and obviously do not want me to know what surprise she have for me.. i felt a strong rush of warmth in my heart that instance and was pretty stoned to react to that.. i was touched.. "she is -the one-" i told myself..

We had the cake, and an awkward "happy birthday to william" song.... but i was greatly thankful to them. She  thought that i would like to go out somewhere later in the evening but i dont need it, during that moment  her company is more than anything that i could wish to have. We spent time together that day talking and bitching about others.. i am truly glad to have her around. She made my birthday this year very special and i just doesnt know how to express my thanks to her.. "i love you Emmy and thanks for everything"

Its true

it's true that humans cannot live alone

it's true that humans need a home

yet sometimes we are forced to be away

missing home day by day

It's true that home is our sanctuary

it's true that it gives us security, infinitely

yet home is not the roof we shelter beneath

home lies within those we need

it's true that my home is in you

it's true that the heart is there too

yet being afar has drenched the sap

from the heart that was intact

It's true of what i said to you

it's true that it painted our skies blue

yet sometimes i feel alone

i wish i could be at home

it's true, as you may find it absurd 

it's true, the words that you've just heard

i know i'm not the one you wished

but i'm willing to give more than i receive

it's true..i promise you.

Count down to Musique..!

8 more days,
for us to play,
the biggest day,
with no delay,

20th.... in the Curve, PtC is gonna be faced with its very first open air gig... and  everyone is very nervous, very worried, very excited, very happy, very stoned....very hardworking...

there will be no space for relaxing nor taking a break now..

there will only be 15 minutes... and 8 more days to prepare... time is running out...

Music vs Filming

I feel very alive now... i have two of the greatest passion in my life, and actually working on to continue living in it.

Music and Filming....are two of my passion in life, thanks to my friends and family that enabled me to experience what i once dreamed of only...beyond reach. 

i have 10 more days till the gig for my band at 'The Curve'.... we are all very nervous.... and exited also.... the "fete de 'la musique" is a street music fest... and we are suppose to perform around 7-8 in the evening...haih... 10 days in counting..

Me and my friends also formed a indie-film production team of our own... we are now in the midst of constructing some major props and equipments to start our upcoming projects. Hopes are high and ideas flowed in like a rapid waterfall, we will soon start our film projects and shoot, shoot, shoot!! 

 

endothermic rose

seed lies in, within, slowly growing

as the sunlight and air warms it up

feeling the roots grab hold of my heart

as the first sprout of life shakes the soul

the appearance of the pulp, amazed me

heart rate increased, pumping my blood into it

i fed blood and spirit into its growth

now slowly it shows the red buds of early petals

i will for all time take good care of it

making sure it flowers into a magnificent being

as it feeds from the energy within me

to live another day, for her sake.

7 years of drought

drained and dried

without mercy

forcing the birth,

of a barbed wired soul.

a defense born

to protect

to refrain

from the fear of pain

as one was confined,

nothing gets in

for 7 cycles

alone within

a broken roof

let rain in

drops of cold water

awoke him

slowly with care

he ventured

to catch

water before it goes away

cant say much

he tried hard

he saw beauty

in her heart

now he pray

she could stay

so she can swim

this life with him

yet these years

of 7 droughts

left him mute

to tell her all

time will show

and rain will fall

to change this land

 flowering it all

song plan....

i have been trying to write on more vast topics lately..

topics in which i have to put my self into the imaginative shoes 

of a scenario in order to some out with new stuffs..

my imagination is fading day after day..

like a gust of wind, i blew her away..

now she's free and flew from me

no more chances for me to say...

like how we cant change "yesterday"...

i found back my interest in writing crap again.

i found back the fun in doing so

realizing that they are a form of recording device..

that can tell what i was thinking everyday... 

i wish to create a new song to play.

love sarcasm.

Taking my leave 
i hoped you'll say something,

at least ask me where i'm going,

then i would explain my reason of leaving

you...

The 3 years has thought me

to understand the truth,

of one thing after all we've been through...

i wasn't good enough for you

it seems that you didn't care too.. 

the fault was mine, here's a few;

i'm sorry for being, over protective.

i'm sorry for loving you too much,

i'm sorry that i was the only one loving

i'm sorry, i forced you to have me crushed.

i'm sorry to call you when i was feeling down

i'm sorry for giving you more than i could spend,

i'm sorry that all this time it was only me,

i'm sorry that all this time you have to pretend!

i hope that you can find a better person,

to care and provide more than I,

hope you'll recover well  from those wounds

 forget how bad a choice, that i was for you..

it seems that you didn't care too.. 

let me tell you, in which i knew;

i'm sorry for being, over protective.

i'm sorry for loving you too much,

i'm sorry that i was the only one loving

i'm sorry that it was me that's being crushed

i'm sorry that i've been looked down by your friends,

i'm sorry for living my life just for you,

i'm sorry that all this time it was only me,

i'm sorry for knowing you in this life..

i will always remember how nice you were to me,

guess it's hard to find another girl like you..

let this be the final words from me..

you are more than i can ever see.

black and white rainbow

once the rainbow,
was black and white,
showing itself day and night,
but not once appreciated upon sight.

a kid went by,
as the rainbow appear,
without showing sign of fear,
paddling his tricycle near and near..

what brings him here?
the rainbow thought in fear,
never before a person came near,
little he knew that the boy was sitting on the rear.

"rainbow oh rainbow,
i like your stripes,
rainbow oh rainbow,
i waited night after night."

being offered such kindred words,
the rainbow cant believe what he heard,
something too nice that he cant believe,
but yet he wished the boy wont leave..

"why hast thou reckon me in beauty?"
have you not see the colors in me?
the dull black and white is 'ugly'.
as you sure i deserve your envy?"

Looking up and baring his teeth,
a few was gone from the underneath,
but yet the rainbow recognized it,
It was a pure smile given as a gift.

the rainbow wonders deeper in thought,
figuring the reason he was not being ignored,
little that he knew that the boy felt bored,
beneath the rainbow he laid down and snored.

a sudden rush or warmth arise,
the rainbow felt this for the very first time,
couldn't process the feeling inside,
he just froze with the boy in sight.

He felt protective and useful once more,
its existence was never appreciated before,
this made the rainbow opened a door,
to accept his own beauty with great awe.

As the moment the rainbow accepted,
the inner beauty burst out cluttered,
from within it grew as the rainbow is colored,
with the beauty of seven different wonders..

none is alone in this world we live,
only those that have faith deep beneath,
will be able to live happily with it,
glowing with inner beauty that was lit.

another creation

here's another video i made while learning new things in Pinnacle studio 14 HD,
i think slowly i can refine my film editing skills with this new software.

Orange peeling

one with a dozen,
a dozen for one.
I ate 12 oranges today,
different oranges in a same way.

The first was sweet,
yet too hard to peel,
like training my feet,
to walk and feel.

From the 2nd to 5th,
i slowly progress,
chewing with my teeth,
i felt i had the best.

Sudden 6th felt a lil' sour,
'Frown' formed at my first encounter,
yet i thought it'll all get better,
unknowingly i ventured deeper...



7th and 8th i peeled faster,
without effort i reached within,
yet they weren't getting any better,
from pleasure it became repeated routine.

Forcing fingers to reach 9th,
closing an eye i took the knife,
much was rumbled now in mind,
could oranges represent my life?

10th and 11th tasted bitter,
was it oranges or grapefruit i wonder?
why bother asking when the end was near?
i never thought that the truth will clear...

The final 12th i held tall,
afraid to find a taste too strong.
yet courage sliced it and shared with all ,
surprizingly "sweet!!" the others sang along~

recently

i had been writing a lot,
making note of every sense,
trying to bring life with my pen.

i try to make them into songs,
yet the rhythm i always forget,
at least i got the words recorded,
reminding the thoughts my mind once had.

i also did a few sketches,

filling my sick days spent in bed,

i think music is slowly growing in me,
as i am now allowed to express freely,

walk with me

Why do we cry?
human were meant to die,
the moment we receive life.
we must live and not 'try'..

Throw down those burdens,
and live for the moment.
As long as we aren't regretting,
the paths we've taken

walk with me~~
I'll bring you along my journey~~

we have and we had,
i just want you to know,
they are everything we can let go.
without the sun, our hearts still glow!

walk with me~~
I'll let you free~~


Let us not stay frozen in our past,
life is not something that will last,
just like those beautiful fireworks,
that leaves us aghast...

walk with me~~
can you?....

i was stupid'

i was stupid,
to have not realize the coming of spring,
in which i missed the one and only,
beautiful flowering.

i was stupid,
to let lose such a beautiful fragment,
that would fill the deepest emptiness,
that could ease my torment.

i was stupid,
as i did not dare summon the energy,
that would save my self from continuing,
on this lonely road sadly...

how can i repent,
to enjoy this beautiful spring,
in which it fills my empty heart,
that will rename the road called "lonely"?

Will spring be as cold as winter to me?
freezing my soul so quickly,
yet tormenting my heart slowly...
please accept my sorry...

I hope that i can get back,
this fragment that brings the only meaning..
for this heart to keep pulsing,
please save it from dying..

Hope that there's a turning on this road,
for the most important junction i missed,
because i am sure that i will reach,
a never ending road of bliss...

with great sincerity,
i apologize humbly,
"sorry that i missed",
"i was stupid"
..................................................