Sunday, August 8, 2010

painful...very painful...

i cant explain what i am feeling now..there is a sudden warmth in my chest that spreads throughout my whole body, slowly crawling to all the corners of my body..

and i notice a certain concentration deep within my chest area.... a very painful and sore feeling..
yes it is pain..i feel very painful inside, i felt this before, but today.. it is extremely dense, the pain..i want to cry out loud, but i cant.. why am i in such misery and torment? i know now that the level of pain is equivalent to how much love is being spared in.. i still feel it..while i am typing this now.. while i am looking through the sentence before this..while i am thinking of how to put the words out..yet i cant explain truly or to describe how it felt.. it is too painful and yet too precious... i feel like ending myself right now..... i am so sorry, very sorry... the small rational part of me is keeping me from killing myself, sorry for being too emotional sometimes.... sorry for being too irrational sometimes..sorry for being too dependable sometimes...sorry for being an annoyance all the time...sorry for all the stupid things i have made together with the unhappy moments i've put you through..

urgh.... the feeling of pain is still sharp in its presence.. i cant seem to stop it at the mean time... it usually stops in a while..but today it sustained longer than usual..... i dont even know what the hell is wrong with is very painful!

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