Death, Ghost & the Supernatural

this month is the chinese lunar calender's Ghost Month,...
therefore in respect to all that are wondering, most that are haunting, some that are lingering and the small amount which are joining...i shall use the theme "death, Ghost & the Supernatural" in dedication to 'them',.. ...and this shall be the first from the theme..

rainy night

dear william,

remember this night that you wrote this post to yourself, at this moment where you type the words, you felt a form of satisfaction after being spent time her time and space. It was a rather rainy night and the moon was hiding under the blankets of drippy thick clouds. Surroundings drowned off by your concentration, everything turned blurry and dark except the candle in your hand..shining, warming and illuminating your path way.

i faced the truth

"truth is like fire, it never leaves anything that it touches unchanged" 

sometimes we have to learn to accept the truth as we are to live on without regrets or dismay, this i learned in an almost asphyxiating way. Yet the truth to the "whatever that doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" saying is quite true in a sense that you actually continues to live on and not linger in the past.

 Standing on a cliff that looks down on nothing but death, one gets to experience the beautifully dangerous view in return.. but with no doubt, standing on such height and such little space to balance oneself will result in nothing more than fear of dying and losing it's sight upon the cliff's beauties.. thus making us cling our gambled lives onto the cliff harder...not knowing that doing so would loosen the soils where we kept our footing on...hastening the time of death, hastening the end of the wondrous view... maybe, sometimes all it takes is just for ourselves to control our inner thought as well as to accept the past as 'the past'...

now it's time to make good use of the time there is now, and work on the amendments to preserve the cliff, build a foundation on it's footing..put on a fence so no one will fall and die. (one half of the fence has been built, now all there is to be done is to patiently hope that the other half can be completed soon before any further accidents can happen)

"to know" is for the curious, "to not know" is for those that are regrettably curious"

… somehow he couldn’t stop. He had turned into someone that he would have pitied in another life; someone who searched for signs, who analyzed patterns, who went over every word in a conversation looking for hidden meanings, secret signals, the subtext that said, "Yes, I still love you, of course I still love you"

... how many ways can one heart be mangled and still be expected to keep beating?-ditto

Finally..a song we can call our own.

after the long anticipation, rantings, postpones, divergence and so on... the band "PtC" has finally came out with our very own song.. title and description of the song are not to be disclosed now... Clement (le' batteur) and i burnt two days worth of midnight oil to complete it..and finally we've done it yesterday, or to be concise it's this morning 2.30 am... 

elements of composing: guitar, pencil, paper and flying cockroach'

the base line for our first song is already completed and the rest is to add in those beautiful music instruments of the other PtC bros and also a sis...lolx.. the song writing process has already completed after numeral tries and experiments, yet the lyrics is still immensely vacant for improvements.. leddy (les' claviériste) will be forced to refine and spice up the vocabs..

next on, is the anticipation to once again get back as whole.. and jamm our hearts out of our lives~! 

"Just fuck it, and do the damn thing!" - Pop The Cherry, 2009

painful...very painful...

i cant explain what i am feeling now..there is a sudden warmth in my chest that spreads throughout my whole body, slowly crawling to all the corners of my body..


and i notice a certain concentration deep within my chest area.... a very painful and sore feeling..
yes it is pain..i feel very painful inside, i felt this before, but today.. it is extremely dense, the pain..i want to cry out loud, but i cant.. why am i in such misery and torment? i know now that the level of pain is equivalent to how much love is being spared in.. i still feel it..while i am typing this now.. while i am looking through the sentence before this..while i am thinking of how to put the words out..yet i cant explain truly or to describe how it felt.. it is too painful and yet too precious... i feel like ending myself right now..... i am so sorry, very sorry... the small rational part of me is keeping me from killing myself, sorry for being too emotional sometimes.... sorry for being too irrational sometimes..sorry for being too dependable sometimes...sorry for being an annoyance all the time...sorry for all the stupid things i have made together with the unhappy moments i've put you through..


urgh.... the feeling of pain is still sharp in its presence.. i cant seem to stop it at the mean time... it usually stops in a while..but today it sustained longer than usual..... i dont even know what the hell is wrong with me..it is very painful!

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